I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
