Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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