Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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