I wanna bring you to show and tell
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
