I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you traded sex for a burrito?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
