i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
