Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
