Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
