Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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