Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
