The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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