ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
