Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize