i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
