'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize