Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
