but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize