My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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