Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
