they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
