we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
