hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
