i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
