well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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