So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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