Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
