Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
