Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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