First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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