1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
