So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
