uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
