Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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