My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
