God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
