hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize