I just pynch a tree in the face
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
