Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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