Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
