i barfeds in our rink
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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