you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Randomize
