you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
