We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
