Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize