A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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