I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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