yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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