So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
