I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
