Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
