i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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