i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
where does the pee come out of this thing
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
