how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just threw up on my dentist
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
