oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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