I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
