I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
