You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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