This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
