I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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