i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
