Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
