I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
