Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize