I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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