I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
