Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
