i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
