I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
