Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
