woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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