How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize