her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
