i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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