I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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